Fill in the blank in this quote from Steve Greenberg, the CEO of S-Curve Records:
"Very simply, the Jonas Brothers are different than every other Disney musical act because the Jonas Brothers ______________________________"
a) "were actually built from the ground up by the Disney Imagineers."
b) "were a band first"
c) "were actually aliens, just like that episode of The Middleman"
d) "have at least one band member that can play their instrument"
Hmm... there's a better joke in here somewhere.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Department of Duh: Lack of money blamed for poor profits
Retail profits pounded by spending plunge
In a related story, Lucy Van Pelt's lemonade stand and Psychology booth filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy today citing a lack of consumer spending. Last minute attempts to secure TARP money for the stand failed when Ms. Van Pelt called the federal bank representative a "Blockhead".
Smushed News: Push... Puuuush
Fed chief: U.S. suffering ‘severe contraction’, gives birth to octuplets
If this is going to be the economy, I think I speak for all America, when I say, "to hell with natural childbirth, we'd like the drugs now"
Smushed News: It's Right Between the Gun and Grandma's Candlesticks
NASA Satellite Fails to Reach Orbit: It’s at the Pawnshop
You just know NASA is going to blow it all at the race track...
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Smushed News: Cats Are Trouble If You Don't Keep an Eye On Them
Socks, former Clinton cat, put to sleep; Meek ending for mighty unit that gutted AIG
I can't wait to see the impending "documentaries" about how Socks was murdered to spare the Clintons political embarrassment...
Friday, February 20, 2009
Smushed News: Joy! Joy! Joy!
Ann Coulter vs. Joy Behar with a crossbow
Don't worry about Ann--the arrows will be harmlessly sucked into the massive vacuum that exists where real humans have a soul.Source: Entertainment Weekly, February 20, 2009 and CNN, February 19, 2009
Smushed News: Are They Made With Real Girl Scouts?
Girl Scout cookie sales crumbling: Robbing banks no longer just for guys
"Give me all the money in the safe. I have a Thin Mint, and I'm not afraid to use it."
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Smushed News: We're going to need a bigger boat
GOP governors consider rejecting stimulus money; Shark attacks cited
Frankly, "Shark attacks cited" works pretty well at the end of just about any headline.
Try it:
"Dewey Defeats Truman; Shark Attacks Cited"
"Ford To City: Drop Dead; Shark Attacks Cited"
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